Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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