I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
