giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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