PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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