Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
