Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
