I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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