Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
