Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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