JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
