Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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