I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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