I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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