she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
