u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
