YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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