New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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