Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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