he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
