Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
