I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
