So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
