They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
