So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
