He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
