Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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