If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
