he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
