I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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