Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
