hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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