hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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