as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
