So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
