worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
