Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
