i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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