Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
