It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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