Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
