did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
