Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
