drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
