Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
