I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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