it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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