i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
