My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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