High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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