I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
