I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
