I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
