what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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