At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
