And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
